I had a rough postpartum period with my first daughter. Being a first time mom isn't easy, and my experience was compounded with multiple breastfeeding issues and a baby that did not like to sleep. There was also shame, guilt, fear, frustration, and anxiety.
It is only now, with my second postpartum experience, that I realize I may have needed some help.
I realize a few other things. My husband was my saving grace. There were countless times, while I was endlessly breastfeeding, that he spoon fed me my meal. He kept me hydrated and nourished. He listened to my worries and wiped my tears. He was my rock.
Perservering in my breastfeeding relationship may have been my undoing but it proved to be worth the struggle. Nursing was something that not only settled my emotions but those of my daughter.
Finally, I needed space. I had no intentions of going back to work. I don't know what bothered me more, the job itself or leaving my baby in order to work. Nevertheless, I fought the tears that first week back and found that the distraction and space from my daughter were very welcome. I was able to connect with other adults, some even friends while at work.
While I will never know if I had postpartum depression, I did find out a lot about myself and my support during the first year or so of my daughter's life. I hope everyone is fortunate enough to have the support I did and to get the help they need. Thank you, Hayden, for bringing light to this subject.